lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
