I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
