I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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