I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
