While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
