guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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