I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
