dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
