her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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