it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize