need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
