sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
