Apparently you make a good broom.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
