I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
