I feel great
I just peed on a car
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Who died my cat blue again?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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