What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
