I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
