the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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