It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Life is so much better after having sex.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
