Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
