So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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