thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
