i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
