if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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