If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
