so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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