i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
