So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
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