Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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