im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
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