i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
where does the pee come out of this thing
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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