I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
