I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
