Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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