the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
