She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
