I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm both gender and math confused
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
