she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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