haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
