youre lurking in front of me
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
