I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize