dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
