I'm so fucking centered right now
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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