i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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