Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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