Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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