thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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