You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize