I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
