Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
