My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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