I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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