Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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