what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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