"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Are we still banned from the library?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
