I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize