i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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