wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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