i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
