I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
