Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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