He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
