Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
