In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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