I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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