So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
