clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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