So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
