Already got asked if we're dating
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
